Terminator: Dark Fate was the first movie for which I did a video review instantly after watching it and now I’ve found the time for an in-depth review. I’m glad, because I’ve really wanted to rip into this movie. This is the first time I can think of that I was actively rooting for a movie to bomb; I was very happy to check the box office and see that it did.

It made the bold decision to retcon out the three lowly regarded Terminator sequels and be a direct follow-up to the story told in the first two films.* I would add spoiler tags at this point but why bother? If you care what I think at all you’re not going to watch the film and if you don’t care what I think at all why are you even reading my post?

The big complaint about T3: Rise of the Machines is that Sarah Connor deserved better than to be killed offscreen. I understand that, but in this film John Connor deserved better than to be killed after 10 seconds of screen time and no dialogue while still a child. We’re talking about the leader of The Resistance, who not only was the main character of multiple previous films but was shown in the first to have achieved nearly mythical status. The most powerful moment of the original Terminator was actually Kyle’s stoic yet passionate utterance: “I would die for John Connor.”

The person needing protection in this case is somebody named Dani and the big twist – which should surprise nobody considering it’s 2019!!!!!!! – is that she’s not the mother of the new Resistance leader but rather the leader herself. An “enhanced human” named Grace is the being sent back to protect her because Dani saved Grace when the latter was a child. Why Dani looks younger in the future than she does when the movie’s set I have no idea but it’s the least of the movie’s problems.

Also joining the fray is Linda Hamilton, reprising her role as Sarah** for the first time since T2 to much hype. Arnold Schwarzenegger also returns, as he has for every sequel NOT filmed while he was busy running California. This time he’s “Carl” as the T-800 who killed John is now known. Apparently having fulfilled his mission allowed him to age at a normal rate and develop some sort of human emotions, I guess? The stuff about him adjusting to life as a husband and father is pretty funny. Nonetheless, he sacrifices himself at the end to eliminate any trace of the machines, which has absolutely ZERO emotional punch since we already saw the exact same thing done when it was a fresh idea at the end of T2. In fact, the whole movie has a feel of been there, done that, as the “traveling from the future to protect a leader in the battle against the machines” thing has been done to death at this point. Say what you will about Terminator: Salvation but at least it tried to be different.

Given that the only survivors at the end of this movie are Dani and Sarah, that Grace’s sacrifice gets made a much bigger deal out of than Carl’s, and that Linda Hamilton actually shares top billing with Arnold Schwarzenegger diagonally*** it seems like the whole purpose of this movie was girl power. It was even supposed to be the start of a trilogy, so I guess there was gonna be a series of girl power movies that were basically spun off from the Terminator films.

Why though? Why not just make such movies about new characters instead of copying the Terminator formula while destroying special things about it?

I’m glad that plans for the trilogy will presumably be scrapped now, since, according to Variety, this film will LOSE over $100 million at the box office.

Good. It deserves that. Now can we please just put the whole Terminator franchise out to pasture? The worthwhile movies are available to watch on DVD, Blu Ray, or a million streaming platforms.

BTW, if you’re wondering why I’m giving the movie as high a rating as I even am, this film stuck to the established fact that time travelers have to make their journey completely naked yet showed us everything of Mackenzie Davis’s while Gabriel Luna’s private parts were all strategically concealed. Sorry, I can’t help how I feel about that 😊

Bottom Line: Stick around long enough to see Ms. Davis in her birthday suit but then save yourself nearly two hours.

Up Next: The best.

 

*When did the practice of disregarding certain entries in a series and pretending only others are canon start? It’s certainly commonplace in comics but the earliest example I can think of in filmed entertainment is Halloween H20. If someone can think of something that predates that do tell!

**Although my own CrossFit trainer Maddy Curley (albeit with Hamilton’s face superimposed on her)  plays her in the prologue!

***Of course I recently reviewed the movie for which such billing was invented.

 

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