Aladdin (2019)

Okay…I shared my thoughts on the original. What was the point of this one?

Well, I know the point – Disney wanted more money. It’s certainly gotten that to the tune of nearly a billion dollars already versus less than $200 million for the budget.

Still, did they actually have anything to add creatively? A story like this isn’t helped by having humans act it out instead of animated characters. If anything that diminishes its mythic appeal. You could say Disney’s being politically correct having people of color play Aladdin and Jasmine but as I’ve discussed, when it comes to animation people do voices of different-raced characters all the time.

I will admit that Mena Massoud is a terrifically charming Aladdin; he might be the best thing about this movie. Although I disagree with the legendary Roger Ebert when he complained that in the animated version Aladdin and Jasmine looked like white teenagers (unless you’re referring to all Europeans as white, in which case sure they could pass for Portuguese or Armenian), I remember an article in my hometown paper at the time expressing some parents’ distress that the Aladdin and Jasmine action figures lightened their skin. I’m glad we’ve advanced as a society to the point where an ethnic North African gets a starring role this big.

Ditto Naomi Scott, who’s not as memorable in the role but is certainly beautiful. She’s not Arab though, but rather half-black and half-white. When minorities complain about being denied representation in favor of others playing their parts I wonder how they’d feel abut other minorities doing it. For example, there was the hubbub last year about Scarlett Johansson playing a transgender man in an upcoming project and it got to the point where she stepped out of the role. I was seeing arguments of “the best actor should play the role” countered with “minorities struggle enough for parts and should at least get to tell their own stories” and I kept wanting to ask “What about the black Jeffrey Wright playing the Hispanic Peoples Hernandez in Shaft?” That’s a case where they definitely seemed to just choose the best actor. Even though his name is Jeffrey Wright the next time I saw him in a movie I was shocked to find out he’s African-American. He was so convincing as the Hispanic immigrant, complete with the perfect accent. Hmm, now I wonder if there are now Westworld fans who think he’s really an android…

Sorry if I seem like I’m getting off-topic. My point is that if you think this movie, with its casting, is somehow “woke” and that’s enough to make you want to watch it, fine. That’s the only reason I can think of that you might like it though. Otherwise it’s terrible compared to the original. Watch that instead. If you’ve already seen it watch it again instead of this one once. I mean that no matter how many times you’ve seen the original.

If you’re one of the people who won’t listen to my advice, you might as well stop reading. If you’re one of the people who will listen to my advice, you’re not gonna watch this movie so you won’t need spoiler tags as I continue.

What did this remake do wrong? Let me list the ways (I don’t even claim this is an exhaustive list):

• The problems started in the very first frame when, instead of majestic desert shots with an intriguing stranger introducing us to the story, we get two random kids asking their dad to sing it to them.
• Later we realize they’re the children of the genie and his love interest. Who, besides nobody, wanted the genie to get a romantic subplot with a human?
• We established Robin Williams was by far the best thing about the original and people were understandably skeptical about trying this without him. Could anyone have effectively replaced him? Maybe Jim Carrey, but nobody else comes close. I realize Jim Carrey hasn’t been an A-list star in a decade but we’ve talked about how Will Smith isn’t the star he used to be either. More importantly, he’s all wrong. Will Smith can be goofy funny or sarcastic funny but not zany funny, which is precisely what the genie needs. At some points it seems like he’s making a half-assed attempt to imitate Robin Williams because the studio demanded it.
• Also, I like Will Smith’s rapping as much as anyone else but his voice doesn’t lend itself to the big show-tune type numbers this movie has. Thus from the first song (which is now in broad daylight to boot) he fails to get us into the mood or set the scene.
• Furthermore, Smith seemed to be winking at and mugging for the audience throughout; “Yo look dawg, I’m playing a genie <ha ha>” He doesn’t lose himself in the role at all the way Williams did.
• Did we need the stuff about Jasmine clamoring to become the next sultan? I’m the biggest male feminist I know but Jasmine’s already plenty empowered insisting on marrying the person she wants and it’s irrelevant to the plot who’ll be on the throne when her father dies at some eventual point in the future.
• Aladdin’s actually falling for Jasmine’s ruse that her royal servant is the princess is so idiotically unbelievable given what a poor job the servant does selling it.
• The movie adds nearly an hour to the original’s runtime but REMOVES all of Iago’s lines and just turns him into a normal repeating parrot? I realized that without Iago’s smarminess Jafar is a pretty boring villain.
• The original had the hilarious bit where Aladdin basically challenged Genie to get him out of the cave and thus avoided having to use a wish. This movie changed it so that he had to rub the lamp before making a wish and that didn’t count. Why make it needlessly more complicated and damage the joke?
• Carpet, my favorite character in the original, is stripped of any trace of a personality. What was so cool previously was what a charming personality he had in spite of having no voice and no face! Here you can barely even tell he’s sentient.
• Like Beauty and the Beast, this seemed to go out of its way to address issues brought up on the CinemaSins YouTube channel. Granted, “Doesn’t the first wish turn Aladdin into an actual prince and thus he’s not just pretending?” – is a valid question but the whole part of naming the land he governs and locating it on a map is just boring and a drag.
• Aladdin visiting Jasmine’s room after becoming “Prince Ali” and them bonding was so simple and beautiful originally and allowed us to really feel their chemistry. Here the whole thing gets so muddled because they have to include the Genie and his love interest, that royal servant. The good story is being damaged due to having to accommodate the stupid and boring one! Its no surprise that Will Smith gets first billing because the movie might as well be called “Genie”. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, except you’ve got Will Smith playing him and not someone like Robin Williams.
• Jasmine took so much longer to recognize Aladdin here, making her as stupid as they’ve now made him. And WHY take out her clever way of getting him to admit he’s the boy from the market? That moment was so perfect in the original, especially the way Carpet sold it, and instead here we just get plain talking without any spark.
• Genie said, when Aladdin changed his mind about using the third wish to free him, “I don’t care nothing about that” with a big grin. WHY??? What purpose did that serve? Did they not feel it would be a Will Smith movie if he didn’t use a double negative? In any case that kills any impact of the Genie getting to be human at the end. I guess he gets to be with the servant woman but WHO CARES?????
• They threw in a heroic self-sacrifice for Carpet but it means nothing given we haven’t been made to care about him at all. Plus something as dramatic as a character sacrificing his life for others is done with people in the foreground not even paying attention AND it is rendered meaningless because Genie brings him back to life in less than a minute WHICH is also retarded because Genie had said in the beginning that he can’t bring things back to life!!!!!!!!!
• The filmmakers, for no reason, threw in the bit earlier about having to rub the lamp to make a wish or it doesn’t count. Not only did it kill that joke I mentioned but it also means Aladdin SHOULDN’T be able to wish Genie free at the end since he no longer has the fucking lamp!!!! Pardon my language but I hated the movie at this point.
• Then we get a big rap number during the credits. So perfect for something from the Arabian Nights </sarcasm>

Thanks for butchering one of my (and many, many people’s) childhood favorites jackasses. I hope today’s kids aren’t too turned off by 2-D animation to watch the original instead of this movie that went out of its way to destroy stuff that worked perfectly in it.

Agree? Disagree? Feel free to comment.

Bottom Line: I’m done; I’ve made my feelings clear.